Adjusting to a new mindset

I'm not even in Saudi yet and I'm already adjusting.

It's been a hard 10 days since we found out, I'm mourning my younger brother all over again (I think it's because I remember him here), I'm afraid of missing my parents, I'm trying to make lists upon lists of to-do's and clothes, and I'm changing my mindset.

It was 5 or 6 nights ago when I was laying in bed and realized that my current breastfeeding technique (take baby, whip boob out, feed and mind my own business) is not going to work anymore. I quickly envisioned a horror that make me cringe- my daughter wailing for food and me scurrying to a nursing room under scrutiny of other parents. What if I couldn't find it? My Arabic isn't that good! What if it was far away? Or there wasn't one? Would I have to go to the car every time?

Such a trivial matter smothered in worry.

I rushed over to my husband and actually yelled at him. Like it was his fault. I admit it, I was crazy, I can be very crazy. I don't know why I was so upset over it. I felt like the move was disrupting my balance, my routine.

Well, it's exactly that. It will. My routine and the things I enjoy here will change. Maybe not all of them, but I'm sure most of them. My husband tried to calm me and said, "Well my mom does it in the private family section of restaurants. She pumps and uses bottles. It'll be OK " Pump? PUMP? I hate the pump. I was bummed out, until I looked at him and remembered exactly why I was going.

I was going to be with him. Our little family was going to thrive there (unlike here *sigh*) and it would be stupidly selfish to break down because moving threw off my rhythm.

That moment I had an epiphany. I acknowledged that everything was going to change for real. Moving like we had wanted to for so long was really going to happen and it would be hard. I accepted it! I had to realize that I needed to change my mindset because Saudi ain't about to change for little ol' me. Talk about a 'it's all about me' drama moment. Maybe that's all it took to ground me and brace me for my big move...

... So now I'm feeling better. I'm actually excited- I'm planning and imagining. I received my Saudi garb, I wanted something new to make me feel a bit better about it. The abaya I got is really special- not because it's glitzed out (because it's not) but because it's extremely lightweight. My 'canadan' abayas, as I shall call them, were thick and unbearable in warmer weather so I'm extremely happy with what I have. The niqab is too short (not unwearable, just small) and not what I expected. I once had a very long three layer, I didn't need a scarf under because it covered my hair. I liked the lightness of not having to wrap up and then cover. I'll have to find a new one later.

Eliana's Nana got her a bunch of adorable summer clothes (Canadian summer clothes, and  what will become Saudi Spring time clothes) which I can't wait to see her in. My husband is in a better mood now that we're on our way to having our own apartment and a car. Can you believe he's gone a year without a vehicle? I thought it would kill him but alas he survived. He's gotten used to buses.

I won't miss 'em.

So, it's just a matter of time before the embassy receives our information and we can get going.

I need to take a breath, relax, and enjoy.