Almost a month!

I've been here 3 weeks and a day. I'm terrible at math so I could be wrong! It has passed me by so quickly, almost as quickly as my daughter's first year... woah.

The weather here is beautiful. I know I'm missing the best season in Canada right now, but it's actually slightly cooler here in Al Baha than it is in Ontario, surprisingly! The sun, the breeze, it all calls me. But can I go for a walk? Nuh uh. I'm trying to get my husband to find a park nice enough and private enough that we can go for a nice long walk like we used to. It's been hard.

My foots been falling asleep a lot, like every day for a week. I need to get out of here and jog. I had a dream last night that I walked past all the store fronts and window shopped. I'm deprived, at the moment.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that people don't walk or my husband wont let me. It's just finding a nice area to do it where you wont get run over by cars or harassed by teenage boys.

It's also kind of hard here with the weird roads up the mountain, if we got down a little to a different area I know for a fact there are nicer parks (larger parks) but the land demographic here just wont allow it. I'll have to wait and pace around the living room a couple more times *sigh*.

My lovely husband took me out to Little Caesars here, it tasted like home and I practically inhaled it. To be perfectly honest, I like chicken and rice a lot, but not as much as my husband's family and I was starting to get really bored from eating. Yes, me! Bored from eating! Can you believe it?

We were tucked away in the family section with our pizza, crazy bread, and wings under the AC and beside a window- the best spot in the lot. I promptly uncovered myself, all of myself. I sat there in my dress, like I was in Canada, except no one could watch me eat. I swear to god I was moaning with pleasure, my husband shot me a crazy look and I had to stop. It was SO good. So good that I had to take picture. So good that I ate half a pizza. I'll admit it. Yup.

Did I mention I haven't had pepperoni on pizza in like 5 years? Like that's an excuse for eating as much as I did, haha.

Then he took me to find a book to write in. I'm starting a gratitude journal and taking control of my happiness! I'm not unhappy here, but it's different and I find it hard to be optimistic when so much change is happening around me. My husband is getting his job back, inshallah, we're moving to Jeddah or Makkah soon, my daughter is 1 in a month, and life here is so different...

I knew I had to do something or I was going to become a big ball of crazy emotion and then the idea was presented to me- a gratitude journal, a book of all of the things that made me happy, all of the things that I am thankful for, all of the things people did for me and I did for them. I can tell you, from the first page, a lot of the stuff is things that my husband has done for me and it opened my eyes to how accommodating and lovely he's been.

So we got that and then we went to a store so I could find a new abaya- which I did! Which I love! It's lovely, it's perfect, dare I say it is beautiful. It's not special but the one I had (which I spent a whopping 60$ cdn on) was heavy, huge, and I looked like someone's Saudi grandmother rather than a 22 year old wife. Anyway, it was 90 SAR, I don't even know where I got it but it's lighter and more comfortable and the boost I needed.



Life is moving on.

Saudi Makeup

Food here is cheap.
So is clothing.
Pretty much everything here is very cheap except for makeup. 

I made the mistake of leaving all of my good stuff at home, hundreds of Canadian dollars down the drain there. All of my nail polish, everything! I thought, like everything else, I'd be able to find it here no problem. Well, I was wrong and I'll be the first to admit it. I'm suffering.

Finding and experiencing new brands used to be a hobby of mine, now it's a nightmare. I am tossed around by products, some look amazing but the quality stinks, some look terrible but have staying power like nothing else I've ever used. It's the mix of arab, asian, and european market brands here that make it absolutely impossible to find anything good or worthwhile without buying, taking home, and either loving or regretting, first.

There are no real huge malls here in Al Baha, so I've experienced a couple of stores in search of makeup brushes. Let e tell you- they are as expensive if not more expensive than Canada. I couldn't even tell if it was a good brand because I've never heard of it! God knows if it's like dollar store quality and I don't know. Plus, you can test on your hand but no where else, so I'm frightened to run out of foundation and have to go looking for that later on.

And the men!
Agh!

Looking good guuuurl!

I love it when there is a nice covered saudi woman at the counter. I politely tell her how I don't speak arabic and she guides me towards the good stuff and is very helpful, when I'm done she cuts me a deal (doesn't use me!) and I usually get something free in the end. Done and done. When there is a man around I feel like he's burning holes into my abaya and my hand with his eyes- especially because I'm english. Then suddenly the 24 riyal nail polish becomes 40 riyals. I CAN READ, MAN!

Anyway...
I hardly talk to anyone without my scary husband anyway.

I can't wait to move to the city where there are malls with sephora and other things I'm familiar with. I guess I can't escape the price, which is a pity, but at least I know what I'm buying.

Now I have to tackle my organic fix and lingerie.

No organic stuff here from what I've seen, not Baha nor Makkah. Lingerie? Awkward, and I'm saving it for later.

If anyone has tips on finding makeup here PLEASE, let me know. I'm stressing!

Week 1- Hello Country, Hello SICKNESS

So we've been here ten days, maybe? I lost track.

We have been so sick. My daughter has never been sick so for her to go from a stomach upset to a head cold was a true test of our parenting and my strength as a mother. I lived with my parents before, so it was easy to take care of scary situations or new developments in her. Of course, everything happens at once and when I'm by myself.

The morning my daughter started throwing up (day 2) we took her to a private clinic in Makkah. It looked a lot like the old clinics in Canada, a bit run down, not very high tech, kind of unclean. I wasn't impressed, especially because I was freaking out over my daughter's projectile vomiting. The doctor only talked to my husband (where I was previously always the one to deal with doctors) and the next thing I knew my daughter was getting a shot for Rotavirus? I basically looked at my husband with a "don't you dare" expression on my face. I still don't understand why she got it, which was a big no-no. I, first of all, would not have taken her to get medicated had she not been vomiting so much the first time she's ever been sick. I went in search of a few reassuring words and some directions on how to deal with the sickness, not shots and two huge bottles of medicine... (one for colic? Wtf!) If I could contact my parents, or someone I would have been able to get advice. It was an emotional fiasco. I was very upset. Needless to say, she was vomiting without diarrhea  so it wasn't rotavirus, and it was easy to deal with (just a lot of clean up)!

The next, next day we met my in laws. They had a great party for us and it was heartwarming to see my husband so happy and comfortable. They're all great people, and I'm very lucky to be a part of their family. It's lovely here in Al Baha (18 degress, 10 at night), we have an apartment to ourselves- so it's been nice to get some time alone, too. Every so often the maid comes to clean, comes to take Eliana to her grandparents, and I get a break (which feels really, really weird).

Our second day her and we caught a head cold thing. My daughter has her first fever, and I was seriously sick as well with  terrible fever. I don't think I have ever felt so sick. We were run down from the stomach issues from before, so this was pretty intense and it's almost gone except for some runny noses.

As soon as the fever was gone, my daughter learned to crawl! Guess how I found out? With my daughter crawling off the bed while I fetched her a diaper. Yup. From the middle of the king sized bed onto hardwood floor. I screamed bloody murder, the maid and ALL of my in laws came running into the apartment to find me crying and my daughter happily at my boob. Lovely.

Now shes standing by herself, walking against furniture, crawling absolutely everywhere. All I can say is Alhamdulilah I feel better now and I can chase after her.

I'm still adjusting. I've never used a gas oven, burned a huge patch off my wrist. By huge I mean the size of three fingers. Man I'm an idiot. I have had such a good impression on my in laws... hahaha.

I really miss my family. It kind of hurts when I see my husband and his family of 10. I miss my family of 4 back home, and my Auntie Jenn, and my Uncle Chris, and my cousin Pat. My little family. I miss them, and of course I talk to them, but I've come to realize it's not the same. Not even remotely. I cried like a baby when I was sick, I wanted my mom. I won't even lie about that or leave it out. The feeling I had when my husband lived in Saudi and I was in Canada was sad and longing- now I feel that for my whole family. At first it felt like I had done them some injustice by leaving them and taking my daughter, obviously it's not true, but I'm just very attached to my family. I miss you guys.

I've discovered Sun Top, Rani, Miranda, vimto, and Shani. My best friends. Drinks here are awesome, Sun Top is just orange juice, Rani is sparkling orange with pulp (mmm!), miranda is an orange pop, vimto is a fruit drink, Shani is a fruit pop. All of them are amazing. Arabic coffee is amazing. Tea here is amazing. Yum.

My favourite food these days has to be BBQ chicken arabic style. I love the char flavour, it's so juicy, not overly spicy and quite nice. Arabic bread here is fluffier and fresher than at home. Cheese is good here, and yogurt is a huge thing here. Both are very good quality- your fetas and yogurt cheeses are all top quality. The mozzarella is sub par, and the cheddar... Oh god no. It's ALL processed. By all, I mean I can't even find brick cheddar cheese here. Just american processed cheddar, can, cube, and brick. Bleck! That's something I really miss (I used to eat it daily!).

I was craving homey foods and I made chili last night. It was just what I needed to wind down. I never used to understand comfort food (though I guess all food was comfort food to me lol) until now. I seriously went from grumpy and pessimistic to full and satisfied in a meal. It meant the world to me.

On that note I need to find a way to work out here. I can't just as well go walking by myself like I used to. I can't find a female gym, especially here in the south. I think when we're in our 'all the time' apartment I'll invest in a treadmill and bike again, I don't really have a choice because the amount of food I have consumed and the introduction of my first family car has been detrimental to my body, I'm afraid. All ready, I know!

I ran around and danced in the living room with Eliana, she absolutely loved it and squealed as I jumped and spun. I will do it again, I neglect my arms when I work out but at least I forget about them when I'm holding her. It felt good and made me happy. I collapsed, out of breath and laughing. Elly put her little hand on my chest. What a darling cutie. That kind of work out has got to be good for both of us.

I find that I sleep an awful lot. I'm working through my issues. I haven't been in the best mood, but I'm getting there. I think it's because I'm lacking my daily walk. I've gone from at least 1 mile a day to 0 in a week and it makes me feel really unwell. It's not something I'm willing to compromise. It's so easy, I need to get my husband on board again. Even if he just takes me to a park (what am I a dog?) 4-5 times a week at night.

Clothes here are... eccentric at best. Very different fashion than back home. I'm getting used to that too, though, I have to say, I look darn good in some of the stuff. Though, I'm scared to find pants. I'm like a foot taller than anyone I've come in contact with since we got here. Haaa!

OOOH! But shoes are lovely and inexpensive. I got a new pair, black flats with silver... things. Oh god. I'll insert a picture later. Will send mom shoes. Promise.

Baby items here are chinese and arab made, a lot different than the toys r us stuff back home. The range from sturdy and safe to flimsy and scary as hell. My father in law seems to be a pro, however, and has spoiled my daughter beyond repair.

My brother in law is getting married in a month so we went to get dresses made. This is being run by my sister in law, Sharifah. From day one she recorded my colour preferences and my favorite style. She then went out and got a fortune worth of fabric- wine and gold- and told me I was coming with her to get sized by the people who will make my custom designed dress. I told her, I want quarter sleeves, mermaid bottom, slightly scooped neck, and breast feeding friendly. What she designed was something dreamy.

It's quite interesting how this whole dress making thing works: we left the house at 11pm and drove to someones house. We went behind the house the a shed. A shed. I could fit like 3 people at most! It looked like we were on a drug run, my mother in law and two sister in laws and I got out of the car. I entered last. It was like entering the tardis- Oh my god. The biggest most luxurious room I've ever been in. Not a room, a SHOP! It had henna areas with velvet chairs and fabric hanging from the ceiling and the most delicious perfumes. They had coffee and treats. I passed, because my daughter wailed as she was measured. Like seriously screamed at the top of her lungs. I don't know why? Anyway, that was one serious adventure.

More updates to come! Tata!

Hello Saudi Arabia!

We arrived two days ago, at Jeddah airport, and hastily made our way towards Makkah.

I can't describe how I was feeling, I was overjoyed and at the same time I was so emotional and upset over the distance I put between my family and I. I was really heart broken, I clutched my daughter as I weeped all afternoon.

Let me tell you honestly: the road from Jeddah airport to Makkah makes a seriously terrible impression. I was excited to enter the Holy city- somewhere I thought I would never be permitted to go- but the outskirts of Jeddah and makkah were full of filth and poverty, which to me seemed like it went on forever.  I felt sick that moment I wondered if I had made an irreversible mistake. 

I watched Bangladeshi men walk by in tattered clothes, service our car, and carry on with determination to make the buck they need to eat.  One happily and so gratefully accepted $2 CDN (the tip was like 10 SAR) with a huge smile, I turned ny head so I could swallow my sadness because I had never really seen such poverty except on TV.

My husband generously tipped poor workers as charity and thanks to Allah and I weeped. I saw his happiness and accepted what I had chosen. A life awat from what I knew, that shielded me from sad scenes and the reality of poverty... and death.

Perhaps it was bad timing but a Syrian children's song played.  Once I realized what the words were I felt ill. They sung about their dead siblings and friends- something so close to me in such a different way. Someone took thier family away where only a simple accident took my brother. No injustice, just a tragedy.

In fact I have been glued to a program here. A livestream of Syrian rebels: 24 hour monitoring of who I consider family in my religion. I watch as these men walk miles, forgetting fear in the name of safety for thier people, their wives and children. I never saw something as terrifying as this program, and though I'm fairly numb to death after my brother, I still see the grip on sanity and reality these people have after losing everything. I cannot say I was so familiar with loss.

So we entered Makkah: all I saw was garbage and unmaintained stores. It reminded me of Toronto so much. I felt disappointment. Until we got into the center of the city.

I fell in love with the mountains and marble and the happy people. I saw The madjid al haram and manicured palms and foliage. I saw huge malls with la vie en rose and the latest in fashion.

I'm never hot because ac pumps chilled air onto me constantly. A man pushed our grocery cart for us and another carried and installed the car seat.  At first the service was unwelcome as I was so not accustomed to it- I come from a country where real service easily becomes perceived as loss of dignity and considered 'too much' work for money. I happily tipped for service and recieved smiles all day. My husband negotiated prices and got 40$ CDN off the car seat.  In Canada you'd be laughed at.

I was upset that my husband worried me so much taking me to such scary places, I told him how I felt relieved that it wasn't all bad and he couldn't stop apologizing.  "I didn't think I just took shortcuts!"

I'd rather take the busy scenic route believe me...

This morning Elly and I came down with something. We feel better now but I was so sick and she was throwing up (she's never been sick) so Hani and I panicked and took her to the hospital. She got an injection for rotavirus and is doing well. We probably got it from being exposed at the haram.

The morning after we arrived we went to do omrah. We did, it was 3:45 am and fairly empty (for being the religious center for millions). I fell in love with the feeling there, even Elly was peaceful as we carried her around. 

We have been adjusting well while staying at my inlaws. We plan to meet them the first time tonight.  I'm excited and nervous.

So far there has been so much to explore and a lot going on. I'll update in a week where I will have travelled across the country to my husband's home.

Leaving today!

So it is our afternoon of departure, I know today will be filled mixed feelings but I am majorly excited!

Our plane ride is about 10 and a half hours to Jeddah.  we have packed and we have taken the train to Montreal where we will leave from. All we have left to do is wait. I will update when we arrive 1 a.m. here in Canada. That will be around 8 a.m. there.

We are so excited that this has come so quickly, which feels funny to say because we waited so long...

Goodbye Canada.

To my family and friends: we will miss you all terribly. I woke up this morning scared and uncretain if I would be able to leave you all. I know it's been years in the making but nothing could prepare me for the feelings I will feel or lonliness I will have to overcome when I miss your support and love. I know we will all be in contact, it just makes me sad that I wont be able to hug and kiss you when I want to.
Mom and dad, you gave me the strength and knowledge I needed to explore the world and fall in love in impossible circumstances.  You taught me family is everything so I am torn. I love you both with all my heart. I'm crying because I owe you so much and, in my heart I am still a child being seperated from her mom and dad. I will miss you.

Robert, I love you. We just have each other but i am leaving happy that you have Jenn and a whole life ahead of you. I will be there when you need a friend, guidance, a sister. I will be there when you need me and when you celebrate your happiest moments. I will miss my little brothers and the place we grew up...

To my friends: you gave me support and confidence that I could conquer a new world. You gave me confidence in myself. Emma, you have grown with me and now we are in opposite parts of the world but you still hold the hugest chunk of my trust, love, and friendship I know will last. Many miles can't erase many years with you. Maryam, I hope to see you in May!

Now it's time to pack and face this huge change.

Adjusting to a new mindset

I'm not even in Saudi yet and I'm already adjusting.

It's been a hard 10 days since we found out, I'm mourning my younger brother all over again (I think it's because I remember him here), I'm afraid of missing my parents, I'm trying to make lists upon lists of to-do's and clothes, and I'm changing my mindset.

It was 5 or 6 nights ago when I was laying in bed and realized that my current breastfeeding technique (take baby, whip boob out, feed and mind my own business) is not going to work anymore. I quickly envisioned a horror that make me cringe- my daughter wailing for food and me scurrying to a nursing room under scrutiny of other parents. What if I couldn't find it? My Arabic isn't that good! What if it was far away? Or there wasn't one? Would I have to go to the car every time?

Such a trivial matter smothered in worry.

I rushed over to my husband and actually yelled at him. Like it was his fault. I admit it, I was crazy, I can be very crazy. I don't know why I was so upset over it. I felt like the move was disrupting my balance, my routine.

Well, it's exactly that. It will. My routine and the things I enjoy here will change. Maybe not all of them, but I'm sure most of them. My husband tried to calm me and said, "Well my mom does it in the private family section of restaurants. She pumps and uses bottles. It'll be OK " Pump? PUMP? I hate the pump. I was bummed out, until I looked at him and remembered exactly why I was going.

I was going to be with him. Our little family was going to thrive there (unlike here *sigh*) and it would be stupidly selfish to break down because moving threw off my rhythm.

That moment I had an epiphany. I acknowledged that everything was going to change for real. Moving like we had wanted to for so long was really going to happen and it would be hard. I accepted it! I had to realize that I needed to change my mindset because Saudi ain't about to change for little ol' me. Talk about a 'it's all about me' drama moment. Maybe that's all it took to ground me and brace me for my big move...

... So now I'm feeling better. I'm actually excited- I'm planning and imagining. I received my Saudi garb, I wanted something new to make me feel a bit better about it. The abaya I got is really special- not because it's glitzed out (because it's not) but because it's extremely lightweight. My 'canadan' abayas, as I shall call them, were thick and unbearable in warmer weather so I'm extremely happy with what I have. The niqab is too short (not unwearable, just small) and not what I expected. I once had a very long three layer, I didn't need a scarf under because it covered my hair. I liked the lightness of not having to wrap up and then cover. I'll have to find a new one later.

Eliana's Nana got her a bunch of adorable summer clothes (Canadian summer clothes, and  what will become Saudi Spring time clothes) which I can't wait to see her in. My husband is in a better mood now that we're on our way to having our own apartment and a car. Can you believe he's gone a year without a vehicle? I thought it would kill him but alas he survived. He's gotten used to buses.

I won't miss 'em.

So, it's just a matter of time before the embassy receives our information and we can get going.

I need to take a breath, relax, and enjoy.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

We are going to Saudi within the next month, our marriage has been approved and everything is on its way! I cant believe how excited I am (we are) that our own life is about to start.

The plan is to fly into jeddah, then makkah to our apartment and to do umrah inshallah.

I can't wait to meet my inlaws properly and start a new chapter.

I've  always been very open and adventurous but it will be interesting to see how I like it and how I adapt to my new life in Saudi Arabia. I'm pretty nervous about the long flight but its not like its a week long...

My husband is over the moon and since we got the news 2 days ago he's had a hard time sleeping, we have, after all, tried to get this done for five years.

Alhamdulilah,  finally we have an answer and we can plan a little bit for our life as a family. 

I'm sad to leave my family behind but we've wanted this for so long that they are happy for us and that makes this much easier,  its kind of bittersweet actually.  I've had a good solid and memorable year with them and im thankful for that.

My husband is looking for his job to relocate him to Jeddah and us (family) to makkah where home is but we might end up in riyadh, he says that the drive from makkah to jeddah for work is worth it but we'll see. Part of me really wants to be in al baha where his family is from since it has such nice weather, but I'd love Makkah just as much or more I'm sure!

Anyway until we're on the plane I'm here enjoying my last few weeks with my family and saying a very long and sad goodbye.