Hello Saudi Arabia!

We arrived two days ago, at Jeddah airport, and hastily made our way towards Makkah.

I can't describe how I was feeling, I was overjoyed and at the same time I was so emotional and upset over the distance I put between my family and I. I was really heart broken, I clutched my daughter as I weeped all afternoon.

Let me tell you honestly: the road from Jeddah airport to Makkah makes a seriously terrible impression. I was excited to enter the Holy city- somewhere I thought I would never be permitted to go- but the outskirts of Jeddah and makkah were full of filth and poverty, which to me seemed like it went on forever.  I felt sick that moment I wondered if I had made an irreversible mistake. 

I watched Bangladeshi men walk by in tattered clothes, service our car, and carry on with determination to make the buck they need to eat.  One happily and so gratefully accepted $2 CDN (the tip was like 10 SAR) with a huge smile, I turned ny head so I could swallow my sadness because I had never really seen such poverty except on TV.

My husband generously tipped poor workers as charity and thanks to Allah and I weeped. I saw his happiness and accepted what I had chosen. A life awat from what I knew, that shielded me from sad scenes and the reality of poverty... and death.

Perhaps it was bad timing but a Syrian children's song played.  Once I realized what the words were I felt ill. They sung about their dead siblings and friends- something so close to me in such a different way. Someone took thier family away where only a simple accident took my brother. No injustice, just a tragedy.

In fact I have been glued to a program here. A livestream of Syrian rebels: 24 hour monitoring of who I consider family in my religion. I watch as these men walk miles, forgetting fear in the name of safety for thier people, their wives and children. I never saw something as terrifying as this program, and though I'm fairly numb to death after my brother, I still see the grip on sanity and reality these people have after losing everything. I cannot say I was so familiar with loss.

So we entered Makkah: all I saw was garbage and unmaintained stores. It reminded me of Toronto so much. I felt disappointment. Until we got into the center of the city.

I fell in love with the mountains and marble and the happy people. I saw The madjid al haram and manicured palms and foliage. I saw huge malls with la vie en rose and the latest in fashion.

I'm never hot because ac pumps chilled air onto me constantly. A man pushed our grocery cart for us and another carried and installed the car seat.  At first the service was unwelcome as I was so not accustomed to it- I come from a country where real service easily becomes perceived as loss of dignity and considered 'too much' work for money. I happily tipped for service and recieved smiles all day. My husband negotiated prices and got 40$ CDN off the car seat.  In Canada you'd be laughed at.

I was upset that my husband worried me so much taking me to such scary places, I told him how I felt relieved that it wasn't all bad and he couldn't stop apologizing.  "I didn't think I just took shortcuts!"

I'd rather take the busy scenic route believe me...

This morning Elly and I came down with something. We feel better now but I was so sick and she was throwing up (she's never been sick) so Hani and I panicked and took her to the hospital. She got an injection for rotavirus and is doing well. We probably got it from being exposed at the haram.

The morning after we arrived we went to do omrah. We did, it was 3:45 am and fairly empty (for being the religious center for millions). I fell in love with the feeling there, even Elly was peaceful as we carried her around. 

We have been adjusting well while staying at my inlaws. We plan to meet them the first time tonight.  I'm excited and nervous.

So far there has been so much to explore and a lot going on. I'll update in a week where I will have travelled across the country to my husband's home.

Leaving today!

So it is our afternoon of departure, I know today will be filled mixed feelings but I am majorly excited!

Our plane ride is about 10 and a half hours to Jeddah.  we have packed and we have taken the train to Montreal where we will leave from. All we have left to do is wait. I will update when we arrive 1 a.m. here in Canada. That will be around 8 a.m. there.

We are so excited that this has come so quickly, which feels funny to say because we waited so long...

Goodbye Canada.

To my family and friends: we will miss you all terribly. I woke up this morning scared and uncretain if I would be able to leave you all. I know it's been years in the making but nothing could prepare me for the feelings I will feel or lonliness I will have to overcome when I miss your support and love. I know we will all be in contact, it just makes me sad that I wont be able to hug and kiss you when I want to.
Mom and dad, you gave me the strength and knowledge I needed to explore the world and fall in love in impossible circumstances.  You taught me family is everything so I am torn. I love you both with all my heart. I'm crying because I owe you so much and, in my heart I am still a child being seperated from her mom and dad. I will miss you.

Robert, I love you. We just have each other but i am leaving happy that you have Jenn and a whole life ahead of you. I will be there when you need a friend, guidance, a sister. I will be there when you need me and when you celebrate your happiest moments. I will miss my little brothers and the place we grew up...

To my friends: you gave me support and confidence that I could conquer a new world. You gave me confidence in myself. Emma, you have grown with me and now we are in opposite parts of the world but you still hold the hugest chunk of my trust, love, and friendship I know will last. Many miles can't erase many years with you. Maryam, I hope to see you in May!

Now it's time to pack and face this huge change.

Adjusting to a new mindset

I'm not even in Saudi yet and I'm already adjusting.

It's been a hard 10 days since we found out, I'm mourning my younger brother all over again (I think it's because I remember him here), I'm afraid of missing my parents, I'm trying to make lists upon lists of to-do's and clothes, and I'm changing my mindset.

It was 5 or 6 nights ago when I was laying in bed and realized that my current breastfeeding technique (take baby, whip boob out, feed and mind my own business) is not going to work anymore. I quickly envisioned a horror that make me cringe- my daughter wailing for food and me scurrying to a nursing room under scrutiny of other parents. What if I couldn't find it? My Arabic isn't that good! What if it was far away? Or there wasn't one? Would I have to go to the car every time?

Such a trivial matter smothered in worry.

I rushed over to my husband and actually yelled at him. Like it was his fault. I admit it, I was crazy, I can be very crazy. I don't know why I was so upset over it. I felt like the move was disrupting my balance, my routine.

Well, it's exactly that. It will. My routine and the things I enjoy here will change. Maybe not all of them, but I'm sure most of them. My husband tried to calm me and said, "Well my mom does it in the private family section of restaurants. She pumps and uses bottles. It'll be OK " Pump? PUMP? I hate the pump. I was bummed out, until I looked at him and remembered exactly why I was going.

I was going to be with him. Our little family was going to thrive there (unlike here *sigh*) and it would be stupidly selfish to break down because moving threw off my rhythm.

That moment I had an epiphany. I acknowledged that everything was going to change for real. Moving like we had wanted to for so long was really going to happen and it would be hard. I accepted it! I had to realize that I needed to change my mindset because Saudi ain't about to change for little ol' me. Talk about a 'it's all about me' drama moment. Maybe that's all it took to ground me and brace me for my big move...

... So now I'm feeling better. I'm actually excited- I'm planning and imagining. I received my Saudi garb, I wanted something new to make me feel a bit better about it. The abaya I got is really special- not because it's glitzed out (because it's not) but because it's extremely lightweight. My 'canadan' abayas, as I shall call them, were thick and unbearable in warmer weather so I'm extremely happy with what I have. The niqab is too short (not unwearable, just small) and not what I expected. I once had a very long three layer, I didn't need a scarf under because it covered my hair. I liked the lightness of not having to wrap up and then cover. I'll have to find a new one later.

Eliana's Nana got her a bunch of adorable summer clothes (Canadian summer clothes, and  what will become Saudi Spring time clothes) which I can't wait to see her in. My husband is in a better mood now that we're on our way to having our own apartment and a car. Can you believe he's gone a year without a vehicle? I thought it would kill him but alas he survived. He's gotten used to buses.

I won't miss 'em.

So, it's just a matter of time before the embassy receives our information and we can get going.

I need to take a breath, relax, and enjoy.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

We are going to Saudi within the next month, our marriage has been approved and everything is on its way! I cant believe how excited I am (we are) that our own life is about to start.

The plan is to fly into jeddah, then makkah to our apartment and to do umrah inshallah.

I can't wait to meet my inlaws properly and start a new chapter.

I've  always been very open and adventurous but it will be interesting to see how I like it and how I adapt to my new life in Saudi Arabia. I'm pretty nervous about the long flight but its not like its a week long...

My husband is over the moon and since we got the news 2 days ago he's had a hard time sleeping, we have, after all, tried to get this done for five years.

Alhamdulilah,  finally we have an answer and we can plan a little bit for our life as a family. 

I'm sad to leave my family behind but we've wanted this for so long that they are happy for us and that makes this much easier,  its kind of bittersweet actually.  I've had a good solid and memorable year with them and im thankful for that.

My husband is looking for his job to relocate him to Jeddah and us (family) to makkah where home is but we might end up in riyadh, he says that the drive from makkah to jeddah for work is worth it but we'll see. Part of me really wants to be in al baha where his family is from since it has such nice weather, but I'd love Makkah just as much or more I'm sure!

Anyway until we're on the plane I'm here enjoying my last few weeks with my family and saying a very long and sad goodbye.

Ottawa

Well, we arrived to Ottawa on Tuesday. so far we are loving living in a hotel. I have to admit it is awesome having Someone to do my dishes and laundry.

We have been enjoying ourselves in our last few weeks in Canada inshallah. I'm really anxious to settle down and have my own apartment but I am trying to relax and enjoy my family.

I will update about food and Ottawa tomorrow. for now I am Very tired and I'm going to catch some sleep so I can document life here'in a video.

So much to do in so little time...

We're moving.

Not to Saudi yet. We're relocating to Ottawa to be closet to my brother, the whole family has been grumpy and emotional packing up the house we all grew up in. 11 years in this place, it's been a long time.
I loved seeing things I haven't in years, embarrassed by so many pictures. It's a lot of cleaning to do. We're all tired, especially with this terrible weather. The snow came down last night and all day today, it's literally up to my knee out there so we're trapped.

Eliana is growing so much, she's 8 months next week and I can hardly believe it. She's been so chatty, she loves to eat by herself, and eats 2 or 3 meals every day which is surprising. I don't know how it happened, but it seems to make her happier. So far she's had apples, pears, banana, tangerine, orange, potato, sweet potato, cucumber, cheese, bread, chicken, oatmeal, rice, yogurt, and squash. She loves it all. She's still breastfed though, not drinking water, and eats about 6 times a day and 3 times at night.

She sits all day and plays on the floor. She prefers not to be on her stomach so I don't push it, she's not crawling yet but shes making funny movements on the carpet and rolls a lot. She does much better standing up than she does on her stomach, so in the morning I give her tummy time on my tummy and the rest of the day is free roaming.

It's extremely difficult moving with a baby. Oh god. Every time I get into cleaning or packing I am distracted by her constant need for me to look at her and play with her. It's adorable, but it's taking me forever to get things done.

The diet has been alright, the bike has been going well. I wish I could do more, but I haven't got the time or energy. I guess I'm doing a lot of moving around, let's hope it counts. I need to do another update.

The husband has been stressed and so have I, I'm hoping once we're moved and got money again things will be looking up. With time there is progress in our trying to get to his country, so in the meantime it's really just about day to day life and living with what very little we have at the moment.

I'll update when moved!

Almond Filled Kunafah

I made this last night and it was incredibly easy and tastes great.

Preheat your oven to 325 degrees.

Mine was still on the bottom of the release pan I used, as you can see the sides and top cover the filling like a pie.

The recipe:
Large package of Kataifi or Kunafah pastry
1/2 cup butter melted
1/2 cup sugar syrup
2 cups almonds ground
2 eggs
1/2 cup suagr
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/3 cup water
2 tbs corn starch
2 tbs butter softened

First separate and shred the kataifi dough, mix in melted butter and 1/4 cup of sugar syrup. Pack 3/4 of this mixture into a pie pan and create a rim. In another bowl add water, corn starch, and eggs. Mix very well. Add sugar, butter, vanilla, cinnamon, and almonds. Mix well. Add the almond mixture into your kataifi dough shell, an put remaining dough on top. Bake 40-50 minutes and check the colour. When still hot out of the oven, pour other half of sugar syrup over the top and let stand for 35 minutes, or until cooled.