Finding Humor in Marriage

Looking from the outside, marriage seems to be the butt of many of jokes. It's funny! There re shows, books, and countless movies on the topic... but what about real life?

I've seen very funny people married to other funny people, it's great from the outside- they have a chemistry and they complement each other, they are always smiling. Until my friend tells me "he doesn't take me seriously" or "he doesn't respect me". He might even have the same complaints. I think this has to do with the type of humor. Always being around a comedian can get tiring (even as a close friend), especially if the funniest thing in their life is you. Sometimes you don't want to be made fun of, they might take personal moments and turn them into jokes, then you withhold things to avoid all of the embarrassment.

There are some people who are strictly business in marriage, they may laugh occasionally  but tensions and issues between them make it difficult to open up. Laughing is the last thing on their minds and the love seems lack luster.

Then there is everyone else- a few laughs here and there, between fights, every day issues, serious transitions  and children. Sometimes we lose track of the last time we really laughed with our spouse, I often hear myself say after a bout of real laughter "I haven't laughed like that in a long time..." maybe I have. Maybe just not with my husband.

When we're goofy and in a lighter mood the fists go down and we're less likely to fight. It's like intimacy, when people are not intimate they get further and further away. Tension builds, and sometimes even resentment. He may get jealous hearing you laugh with your friend on the phone, you may feel ignored by him as he watches TV for entertainment.

We've had small vacations or outings where we were in bad moods, there was no laughter, and no real memory. Outings with children are usually so hectic you run and get things done rather than smelling the roses. It's sad, especially when you try your hardest not to take someone for granted like I do. I always want to keep all my memories in a jar for that sad day when I don't have that person any more, it makes me melancholy just thinking about all the times I couldn't laugh with my husband for some reason or another.

It's impossible to be happy all the time, I know that- but I'd like to bring more laughter into my marriage and bring back that 'friendship' we once had. I'm going to make a list and try to remind myself, because in my mind I think routines equal health, not only in body, but in your mind and spirit as well.

The Laughter List
(It may or may not even be possible to laugh this much, maybe we could laugh more. Tweak this over time.)

1. Watch a funny movie or comedy twice a week with spouse.
2. Turn what could become anger into humor. (Example: He's not paying attention, " There's a quiz after this, you know!" But remember it's very important not to make it sound sour or like sarcasm. Don't make fun of that person  to cover your anger, and don't hurt them with tasteless humor.)
3. Reminisce. Remember funny times together, don't always wait for that person to bring things up- do it yourself. Remember when is a good game when you're not remembering how that person hurt you one time or forgot something and so on...
4. Make memory space- ditch everything that you remember that's bad about that person or what they did at least once a week. You'll be better for it. Don't ignore warning signs though: abuse, cheating, lying...
5. Instead of getting frustrated at someone take a breath and be calm, make fun of them afterwards. Don't be cruel, and not all the time, but sometimes it will make you feel a little more calm dealing with someone else on a daily basis. 
6. Watch your children/pets together. Constant source of amusement- when they aren't crying. 
7. Share jokes. 
8. When you see them, smile.